


look at me (the way i look at you)

by Bluefxy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Christmas, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3358886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluefxy/pseuds/Bluefxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A single text cancels a yearly tradition but because of it, other things start to grow.</p>
<p>AKA the Christmas fic where Eren gets sick and Levi brings it upon himself to take care of Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	look at me (the way i look at you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elliewritesthings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliewritesthings/gifts).



> So this was supposed to be a Christmas fic but....that didn't happen... So does posting this on Valentine's day help? Hopefully?
> 
> This is for my lovely [Ellie](http://crying-abt-fictional-people.tumblr.com/). I hope you enjoy it!!!

It was the same routine every year: Christmas Eve would be spent at Eren’s mother's place where they would watch Christmas movies while getting fat on cookies and eggnog. Levi would always be invited over. He was Eren’s best friend after all. But it's not like he had much of a choice, anyways, with the spoiled brat that Eren could be. 

When the brunet was younger, he’d have extreme temper tantrums if Levi wasn’t apart of their Christmas traditions. To the point where Carla would almost beg Levi to stay. Well, bribe with the promise of extra cookies. They’d stay stay up until it was midnight, and Carla would kiss each boy on the forehead before she gave out their first present of Christmas. Eren was heedless, tearing through his gift with reckless abandon (he once almost destroyed the actual present inside to which Levi just snickered). 

Levi was the exact opposite, carefully undoing the tape and refolding the wrapping paper once it was removed from around the present. Often it was toys, and it never really deviated from that as the two boys grew older. Though sometimes it was a new computer gadget or something for their cars instead of a plastic truck.

It was simple; but they had their routine down, and no one was daring enough to change it up. They had no reason to, anyways. Carla got to spend time with her sweet Eren--as he had moved out--and Levi, though he would never voice it, wouldn’t miss the chance to spend a whole night with Eren since Carla would bid them goodnight way before midnight. Nothing ever happened, since they were only friends. 

Just. 

Friends.

Levi had never admitted it to anyone (even himself) that their friendship could possibly be something more. It was just a passing thought that went swirling in his mind way too often. He would counter any fleeting notions of such an idea with the probable fact that if he was ever to say it aloud; chaos would erupt, resulting in Eren being taken away from him. Carla was an exceptionally nice person, but what if she was like the others? What if she was accepting of someone being gay until it ended up being her own child? And even worse, what if... if Eren didn’t see Levi the way he saw him? 

But it didn’t matter. Levi couldn’t worry about things like this anymore. All thoughts of a relationship with the brunet were shoved deep into his mind. Or at least that’s what Levi thought he did. Because on Christmas Eve, Levi received a text from Eren, and things changed.

EREN JAEGER  
i feel like shit. mom called off the xmas eve party. come over?

\---

When Levi walked into Eren’s room, the first thought that ran through his mind was: how the hell had Eren been surviving in this place? Clothes were strewn all over the floor, a nest of them resting on his desk chair… if that even was a chair anymore. An overflow of tissues, all used of course, on the bed; and why in the world couldn’t he just reach one more inch to throw them in the trash ca- oh. Right. Because the trash was all full of tissues and used tea bags.

Disgusting.

Levi eyes traced up a mound of blankets piled on Eren’s bed, “Oi, you lazy shit, are you even in--” Red-rimmed eyes met his as the words lost themselves in Eren’s pathetic gaze.The kid looked like shit, and that was putting it nicely. Eyes peeking out from beneath the avalanche of blankets, he was staring at Levi like some kind of pitiful. Just a minor cold his ass. 

Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the mound of blankets and softly shoved them to the side until a familiar mop of brown hair was visible. Eren slowly looked up, his long locks of ragged hair falling to either side of his face, revealing red cheeks and eyes underlined with dark circles.

Sighing, Levi brought his hand up to help brush away the rest of the hair covering Eren’s face and tucked it back behind his ears. He held his hand up to Eren’s forehead, cuping Eren’s cheek as he pulled away.

“You look like shit.” Eren gave him a look that would probably be considered scathing if not for the runny nose and puffed cheeks. 

“I feel like shit.” Levi could hardly recognize Eren’s voice, coated with the overtones of his sickness.

“I’m taking you to the doctor.” Eren’s eyes bulged as soon as the ultimatum passed over Levi’s lips. 

Eren clung tighter to the blankets, trying to pull them back over his head, “No.” It was muffled against the fabric, and Levi couldn’t help but find it a little adorable. “I hate going to them, and--”

“You’re burning up.” Levi yanked back on the covers, revealing a pathetic puppy dog stare. God, this kid was going to kill him.

“I’m fine,” Eren sniffled, bringing a hand up to rub under his nose. Levi cringed at that and had to resist backing out of the room to retrieve some disinfectant. “Just a little sick.”

Levi rolled his eyes, pressing a hand back to Eren’s sweaty forehead. “This,” his gaze directed to the trashcan full of tissues, “isn’t a little sick.” When Eren didn’t reply, he took another heavy sigh. “Look, you stubborn shit, you’re look like the desert just went on a date with the arctic, one big fucking mess. Hell, I doubt you can even stand right now. No telling how many times your dumbass would be falling over itself.”

Eren just snickered. “You mean you’d be the one falling all over the place.” He tilted his head down as he looked up through his lashes, batting them.

A thin brow rose as Levi looked at Eren, “What?”

“Well, you just basically called me hot,” Eren said with a smirk gleaming on his face. The little shit.

Levi grabbed the blankets he’d just taken off Eren and shoved them back in his face. Looking away from the boy lounging on the bed, he brought a hand up to his own red tinted cheeks. Eren’s innuendo was already awkward enough, and his blush didn’t really make things any better.

Thankfully, Eren seemed to have not noticed any weird behavior coming from Levi and was already starting the task of unveiling himself from the mountain of blankets, all the while laughing quietly to himself.

He has no idea what he does to me. 

The familiar words coursed through Levi’s mind as he continued to watch the brunet. Eren had always made his mind hazy and his thoughts jumbled. Just by Eren being… well, Eren. The soft swish of his hair when he walked, the bold intensity of his eyes when he was staring at nothing in particular, the way he just nonchalantly said any snarky comment that popped into his mind. It was maddening and alluring all at the same time, and it made Levi struggle between wanting to kill the bastard for making him feel this way and kiss the shit out of his stupid face.

Levi had been screwed from the moment he met Eren. He accepted that. Well, accepted that back then at least. Because with each day he saw Eren, his life became more and more consumed with that spitfire personality; and coming to terms with just how much he loved Eren was almost too much for him. Not because it had gotten to an obscene level that borderline stalkerish. 

Well, okay not stalkerish. 

Jesus, that made him sound fucking creepy.

It was because he simply couldn’t fathom the idea of the two of them being together romantically. How would Eren ever see him as more than just a friend? Every casual touch they exchanged would always have two different meanings. To Eren, the feel of Levi’s hand to his shoulder would never be anything more than a comforting touch. A touch of Eren’s hand to Levi... goosebumps. A hitch of his breath. 

Fire.

But Levi would only shake it off, convincing himself that if he took enough deep breathes, he would be back to normal.

Eren had started to rise from his nest of blankets, looking like absolute shit. Snot ran down from his nose, and with each breath (more like with each attempt at taking one) Levi could hear the gunk still residing inside Eren’s nose. The blanket was still partly attached to him which Levi quickly pulled off.

Levi was about to question him, but Eren beat him to it, “Bathroom.”

“You’ll be fine walking there?”

Eren lazily nodded, moving further off the bed. Levi turned to take a seat at Eren’s desk chair in order to clear some room for the brunet. He looked over towards Eren from his seat as the pitiful figure stood to walk forward and-- 

Eren fell to the ground, red face and barely breathing.

"Shit!" He was up and out of the chair, grasping at the limp body crumpled on the ground as quickly as his own body would allow. Heart beating too fast--did he hit his head too hard on the way down? He dragged Eren to sit onto his lap once he had hastily settled on the ground and held Eren’s head in both hands.

Two green eyes were looking straight into his own. Not as bright and intense as they usually were but still attentive enough to confirm that Eren hadn't been knocked out; like his own heart had been.

Levi could breath again (when did he even stop?). Sucked in a mouthful of air and just leaned down to rest his forehead on Eren's, letting out a long sigh of air as he did so. His eyelids drifted down and he tried to let his heart return to normal.

"L-Levi? What are you--"

Levi opened his eyes once again and--

Too close.

They were too close. Foreheads touching and eyes not more than an inch apart. Not good.

Levi sat up as quick as he could as he tried to maintain his level heartbeat. Bringing a hand up to his own face and dragging it down slowly, he took a deep breath in. Levi tried not to think that if he leaned in just a half an inch more he could've--no. He couldn't do this. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not for the entirety of his friendship with Eren. 

Deep breath in.

He could do this.

Deep breath out.

"You said you would be fine. No offense, but I don’t consider fine almost passing out after standing for no longer than five shitting seconds." Each word was shaking in the slightest bit. His blush coating each syllable.

"I-I didn’t think--just wanted to--ah. Shit. Um--" Eren was obviously still startled from the fall.

"Fuck,” Levi took another deep breath, trying not to let his anger get the best of him, “It's… it’s okay, I'm not leaving for a while."

Eren's eyes closed as he inhaled and then reopened with the air escaping between his red lips--Levi snapped his eyes back up to Eren's. God, he couldn't make it even a minute without thinking something completely out of the realm of the 'Best Friend' label.

"I thought I'd be find just walking a few steps to the bathroom, but I guess I just… it didn't work out did it?"

"No shit, really?"

Eren scratched the back of his neck and looked away from Levi. A smile began to crack through Eren’s lips before a blush covered his cheeks.

"I think--uh--I should stand or... yeah standing sounds... umm,"

Right. Eren was still sitting in his lap, and Levi certainly wasn't less than an inch from Eren; but this--he hadn't had someone in his lap before. This was new. 

He liked it.

"Right. Up you go."

He gently lifted Eren back up to standing as he stood up next to him.

Bringing his hands together, he rubbed at them aimlessly until he saw Eren make an attempt to walk again.

"Slow down, killer. There's no way I can let you walk again." More like he wasn't allowing Eren to give him another heart attack.

"B-But I need to--"

"Just--here." Levi crouched slightly in front of Eren and looked over his shoulder, "Get on."

"Levi, you really don't need to do this. I should be--"

"Just get on before I let you fall on your ass again."

Tentative hands crept up Levi's shoulders leaving hot trails behind them before they latched on to each other in the front of Levi's neck.

Levi needed to breathe. He couldn't. Not while he was in such a state.

One leg swung around to his side where Levi caught it behind the knee. He felt the push of the second leg leaving the floor, and he soon had both hands grasping at Eren's legs keeping him stable.

Okay, this was fine. He could do this.

"Is this f-fine?" Eren's voice wavered; the breath gently breezing by Levi's ear.

“Yeah.”

"What about," Levi felt a Eren rest his head on his back, "this?"

Levi grunted in response. No way was he going to try and talk.

He walked as smoothly as he could towards the bathroom which was just out of Eren’s bedroom, pondering just how Eren thought he could walk even this small distance.

Levi tried dragging his thoughts to other places, but they all pulled back to the weight he was carrying: Eren. His head heavy on Levi’s shoulder, and he knew he’d be feeling goosebumps right where Eren was for a while afterwards. Every slight movement he felt as he walked was engraved into his memory. The press of his ribcage into Levi's when he breathed, the tiny bobble of his head with every step.

They made it to the bathroom, and he gently let Eren down to the floor.

“I-I think I can handle this part myself.” Eren took wobbling steps into the room and shut the door closed with a click.

Levi walked a few steps away to give Eren his privacy and tried to rid his mind from the fact that he’d have to carry Eren back to his bed. Instead he tried to focus on the mindless ticking of the clock before he heard the flush of the toilet and soon the door was opening again.

Eren kept his gaze towards the floor but Levi could still see a blush on his cheeks. Probably from walking just two steps on his own… nothing else seemed plausible to Levi.

“T-Thanks for waiting,” he was about to take a step, but Levi was already traveling to him and catching both of Eren’s shoulders with his hands. Levi gave him a glare with no real bite behind it and turned around so Eren could hop on his back once again.

They both made it back to the bedroom with no mishaps, and Eren was placed carefully back onto the bed. But before Levi could unlatch himself from Eren, Eren wrapped his arms around Levi and pulled him back to lay atop Eren.

Levi could feel the fast pulse of Eren’s heart on his back and his air was caught in his throat. It was just as fast as his own, if not faster. Was he running a fever? Had Levi jostled him too much as he walked? Eren seemed as fragile as glass when he was sick, like anything could trigger him to spike a fever or fall into a coma for weeks. At least, Levi always seemed to see him like this. He was his precious friend, if anything were to happen to him, Levi would be down for the count as well, just not in a physical way, though.

“Eren,” Levi murmured.

“Mmm?” A vibration shivered through Levi, Eren’s thumbs tracing idle circles across his hands; the motion creating constant flips of his stomach.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Ah, yes. Yeah, I am. Why?” Eren’s breath was tickling his ear softly with every word.

“Your pulse just seemed… fast.”

Eren’s chest suddenly froze up, his breath stopped breezing past Levi’s ear. Any minor, unconscious fidget stopped.

“Ere--”

“Must be my c-cold.” Without giving Levi a chance to think of a response Eren was sitting up and talked again. “Can we make a fort?”

\----

It was big. Awkward. Terribly lopsided. Oddly bumby. Speckled brightness shining from the Christmas lights inside. It was completely and utterly perfect.

The bed, desk, its chair, and the kitchen stools made perfect ‘support beams’ while extra sheets were anchored to the top of them. Brand new Christmas lights were looped through the ‘beams’ and every single cushion was shoved inside. 

Levi took a seat on the bed next to Eren (no way was Levi letting him move more than he needed to) and looked to Eren for approval. The smile that shone back at him was so wide and happy. Strong arms pulled him into a suffocating hug and a cold nose nuzzled into his neck. Levi swallowed down the hitch in his throat before anything could come of it.

Levi cleared his throat, "Are we going to try this out?”

He felt the cold nose nod against him; and he stood up, releasing himself from the hug and offering a hand to Eren. He tried not to notice the way his hand heated up significantly nor the way his heart pounded when Eren decided to interlace their fingers together rather than hold it like a normal friend. Levi helped Eren down into the fort and the gasp Eren made at the sight created small butterflies in his own stomach; proud at what he accomplished and how well Eren received it.

Eren crawled around finding the perfect spot and Levi followed right after, paying mind not to sit too close. Levi couldn’t do that with the way his heart was beating. A heart attack wasn’t something he wanted to experience tonight.

But Eren seemed to have different ideas because he scooted up to Levi until their sides were brushing, and he could easily lie his head on Levi’s shoulder. Levi went frigid. Eren’s never done this before. Sure, he's done plenty of other things but never fucking nuzzled him.

Of course, Eren noticed how still he went, he was sitting practically on top of Levi after all. Eren raised his head and turned his gaze up to Levi. Cocking his head to the side, he gave his lips a quick swipe of his tongue. "You suddenly don't like sitting close to me now?" It was all said in a teasing tone, like Eren had known just what he did to him. Yes, he liked sitting next to him and that'd been a norm between them, but this. This was different. The air around them had changed, and Levi was desperately trying to cling to anything that was normal in an attempt to keep him grounded.

He should be kicking Eren off with the excuse of how sick he was, but he couldn’t. He had been craving for a moment like this, and he wasn’t feeling like chancing Lady Luck on giving himself another moment of this sort again. He calmed his heart and paid no mind to the slight sniffle Eren gave. 

"Not when you have shit dripping out your nose and have a one way ticket on the death train." Eren gave an over exaggerated pout before Levi received a hard nudge to his side almost pushing him down to the floor.

When he righted himself, Eren took up his previous position with his head tucked into the crook of Levi's shoulder.

"This is..." Levi leaned his head over slightly to rest atop of Eren's head as he waited for Eren to finish talking.

"Nice?" He offered definitely not thinking that at all. Not. At. All.

"Boring."

Well if that wasn't dejecting. Before his thoughts could get ahead of him and overread what that meant, he countered, "Well aren't you indecisive today." and flicked Eren's forehead softly.

"Ouch," Okay, maybe not softly. "What was indecisive about that?"

"You just had me make this fucking fort, and now you're saying you're bored?"

Levi felt the sigh escape between Eren's lips and onto his arm. Goosebumps crept up onto his skin, and he nonchalantly took his opposite hand to rub away at them.

"At least play some music, I don't want to listen to crickets anymore." The loud sniffle Eren gave sounded like he'd just tried to breath in an elephant but failed miserably. Not necessarily another sound Levi wanted to hear again, so he shifted closer to Eren so he could free his phone from his back pocket. Quickly rocking back into place before his mind could short circuit from the proximity, Levi gave the appropriate password and shuffled his music, throwing his phone to a nearby pillow not really caring where it would land; anywhere would do as long as it played songs.

They sat in silence just listening to whatever came on. Levi's hand sat dangerously close to Eren's, a careless act he committed after throwing his phone, and he focused on staying as still as he could be with Eren lying on his shoulder. 

Soft hums came out of Eren’s mouth singing along to the music, small vibrations running through Levi’s body as a result. Absentmindedly, he started tracing shapes atop Eren’s hand, drawing along with the song. He wasn’t sure when he started, but it’d be weird to suddenly stop; he knew that, so he went along with it trying to keep his composure. Gentle drawings soon turned into rhythmical taps across Eren’s knuckles. Levi wasn’t thinking anymore, simply doing whatever the hell he wanted to, and Eren was going along with it. He was still humming, occasionally nodding his head to the beat making his long, brown hair sweep underneath Levi’s chin with every movement.

Levi broke the silence, “Feeling any better?”

He felt Eren’s shoulders move up and down. “Yeah, guess so. Don’t feel so hot anymore.” 

That only makes one of us now. 

Levi brought his hand up to Eren’s forehead, checking his temperature, then coursed it through his hair. He swallowed the hitch in his throat at the soft moan Eren gave at the motion.

“You feel better. When are you going to finally cut this nest on your head?” He started playing with the ends if the brunette's hair.

“What? You don’t like it?” Levi saw the smirk that started to grow on Eren’s face as he lifted his head from Levi’s shoulder; the soft strands slipped out of Levi’s hand.

“I,” do like it. He liked it quite a bit actually. A fuck ton. Whenever Eren wore a ponytail he was pretty much putty on the inside. Like he'd admit that. Best friends don't go around contemplating which hairstyle looks better or saying how much their heart stops when the other wears a ponytail. Right?

The line separating best friends seemed to keep fading until Levi didn't even know what was on which side anymore. So he played it safe. Didn't say more than he needed to.

Eren still looked towards Levi, eyes begging for an answer. The previous smirk started to drop as Levi just sat still, looking for far too long at Eren. He had to answer, needed to answer.

"It suits you, I guess."

But Eren didn't lose his gaze, it was like he knew Levi wasn't telling him the truth.

Eren licked his lips. Levi didn't blink. No one moved.

"I guess? I look absolutely stunning with this hair!" He swished his hair a little for show and started laughing to himself like he was the world's best comedian. He ended up coughing a bit but none the less.

"I will never understand your humor." 

"Says the guy who makes shit jokes." Touche. Soon, Levi was laughing softly to himself before he joined Eren wholeheartedly with his loud laughs.

Chests heaved in an attempt to regulate their pulse. Levi could feel each breath Eren blew out, that was how close they were, and Levi definitely knew it. It was like he could feel the body heat radiating off Eren, himself.

“Eren, did you remember to take your medicine today?”

Eren stared blankly at him, like he was spewing nonsense.

“‘Course I did, before you came. Don’t start having mom-syndrome on me.” Eren’s eyes squeezed shut as he gave Levi a big, white smile.

Levi flicked the brunet’s forehead. “Just checking, you seem better now than when I first came here.”

“Probably just one of those 24 hour flus. It actually started last night I guess.”

“Please don’t tell me you sat in that snot rag bed all yesterday till today.” That was the most disgusting sounding thing ever.

He could only hear Eren laugh as he scowled to himself, almost shivering with disgust. And why did he like this kid?

A few moments passed, nothing else was said and Levi… he felt completely comfortable in this silence. He couldn’t remember the last time it was ever awkward with Eren. Just having the kid sit next to him was enjoyable... god he was in so deep.

He felt a tug on his arm after a while and he turned to see Eren staring up at him. He hummed to coax the words out.

“Can I have something to drink?”

"Would you like hot chocolate?"

It was like Eren saw a puppy for the first time: his eyes lit up and the smile popped on his face faster than what seemed human.

"I'll take that as a yes," he chuckled to himself and gave Eren a ruffle to his head before he crawled out of the fort.

His hand tingled where it had just touched Eren. Such a small gesture that he himself did made him like this, it was almost pitiful.

The music could be heard all the way from the kitchen, and Levi couldn't help but hum along as he prepared two hot chocolates. Eren swore Levi made the best ones so why waste a chance to please Eren and have him smile again?

He topped both off with a heaping mound of whipped cream and focused on making it back to the fort without burning his hands or spilling either. He took up a weird form of shuffling and walking and thanked the heavens that no one was here to watch him do this... thing.

It was a surprise that Levi managed to hand Eren a fully intact hot chocolate. His hands kept getting shakier and shakier with each step back to Eren and being as steady as he could while crawling back into a damn small fort isn't the easiest thing in the world.

But the smile Eren gave when he saw the drinks made Levi's heart stop for a second, and it was so worth the trek it took to get it into his receiving hands.

He settled into a seat on a pillow and handed Eren one mug, ignoring the tingle that shot up his hand when their fingers brushed in the exchange. He blew softly over the drink to cool it before taking a sip, savoring the sweet taste of chocolate. 

He took a glance at Eren and couldn’t help but let out a snort. The whipped cream was all over his nose and he was none the wiser. It was cute, Levi didn’t want to say anything until Eren caught him staring and had to ask.

“What’re you staring at?” He took another sip before setting down his hot cocoa and turned towards Levi. Little did he know that he just made the matter worse.

Levi shook his head with a little smile on his face and set his mug down on the ground. He shuffled a little closer to Eren then leaned in, bringing a finger up to wipe the cream from Eren’s nose.

And they were so close. They were so close, and Levi couldn’t hear anything but his beating heart. It seemed to tune everything out, and all he could focus on was Eren being so fucking close to him. The fact that it was only them in this whole place was both comforting but terrifying to Levi. No one would interrupt them, but that also meant he had no escape plan. The breath ghosting across his lips made him dizzy, and soon his thoughts turned into a mindless jumble of unintelligible words. Large eyes looked back at him, shaking and uncertain, just like he was sure his own were. He swallowed and licked his lips to give himself something to do other than get sucked into the mesmerizing eyes in front of him. And he saw how Eren’s eyes went right down to look at his tongue move against his lips. Levi couldn’t help but glance down at Eren’s lips when he unconsciously bit his lower lip. They looked surprisingly soft for someone sick, red, and getting redder the harder he bit his own lip. He wanted to bite them himself, to finally taste them and see for himself what they were like.

Levi brought his gaze back up to Eren and he met Eren’s at the same time Eren tore his gaze away from Levi’s lips. The breath hitting Levi’s face came out more ragged, they changed to heavy puffs, hot and probably full of sickness but… Levi couldn’t bring himself to care.

A hesitant arm trailed so softly up the arm Levi was supporting himself with, traced the hem on his shirt up to where skin started. It was shaking, but so warm and he found himself leaning into the touch ever so gently. Eyes still searching, wanting. He wanted more.

Eren’s eyes started to close and his breath became more present on Levi’s skin; he didn’t know who was moving but he found himself tilting his head slightly. The trailing hand dragged along his undercut until it was cupping the back of his head, leaving shivers on his skin in its wake. He closed his eyes and let the hand on his head pull him closer until their lips touched.

Butterflies were bursting in Levi’s belly, creating chaos in his head and making his whole body warm. He started moving his lips slowly and he could feel Eren put everything he had into this kiss. It made Levi’s heart clench, knowing that Eren was throwing himself into this kiss without being timid about it at all. Levi pulled away slightly and moved to take Eren’s bottom lip between his own. The way Eren moaned softly when he sucked on it gently just urged him on. He swiped his tongue over where Eren was biting down on it earlier before capturing both of Eren’s bright red lips with his own.

Levi placed his free hand on Eren’s cheek and tilted his head back, exposing his neck to Levi. He planted desperate kisses all down Eren’s presented neck and then trailed them back up to meet Eren’s waiting lips once again.

Each time their lips reconnected Levi’s stomach did another flip and shivers ran all over his body. He would never get used to this. The way his lips seemed to fit perfectly with Eren’s or the way Eren greedily kissed him back like he was to vanish in any moment. His lips were left tingly and bruised, but he never wanted to stop. Not when he felt Eren’s tongue lick his lips and his hand drifted down to pull Levi in closer. He parted his lips and let Eren do as he pleased. He had no reason to fight back, anything Eren did was fine by him. When Eren’s tongue met his a small moan left his lips. He recoiled only slightly, completely embarrassed with the sound he just made but Eren only hugged him closer and brought his other hand to the back of his neck. He pulled Levi back against him and kissed him with far more vigor. Every move his tongue made against Levi’s was far more desperate and filled with passion. It was incredibly intoxicating. And he was willingly letting himself slip into the kiss, drowning himself in everything Eren.

He let himself tilt Eren’s head back more, slowly giving himself more control of the kiss. Kissing harder, moving his tongue with more passion until Eren was pulling away. His hands keeping Levi at a short distance away, and his heavy pants hitting Levi’s nose.

I fucked up, they're the first words that came into Levi's mind. Rightly so since Eren had just pushed him away. But, the more Levi looked at Eren with a mind of worries, the more he could calm down: Eren was red with a blush that definitely wasn't from the fever, a small smile on his face, and breaths that could easily verify that Levi literally took his breath away.

Eren tilted his head up to give Levi a smile before talking. "S-Sorry, it's just," he gave himself a minute to let out a few more pants, "It's not that I didn't like, um, that, but I-It gets hard to breathe with a stuffy nose."

The hang of Eren's head only made Levi's own heart clench up. Levi was sure Eren thought he had ruined the mood or whatever the shit he was thinking about. That was just how he was, so stupidly cute and way too caring for his own good.

Levi lifted one hand to grab onto Eren's hung head, guiding him back to look at Levi again.

"It's okay, Eren. It's...okay--" With each syllable Levi drifted closer and closer to Eren's lips until he met them with his own again. But this time he ventured further than those lips. He kissed up to Eren's cheeks then along his jaw to the junction of his neck. Feeling, tasting every inch of Eren until he was certain he'd remember it forever. He sucked quite a few marks across the tan skin before he deemed Eren well marked and went back up to capture his waiting lips, small moans escaping them.

He alternated from kissing Eren so deeply, with so much love, and kissing all across his face until it was Levi who had to eventually pull away, his breath having completely escaped him.

When he finally opened his eyes from catching his breath, Eren was right there, still so close that their noses were almost touching, his arms wrapped around Levi, and the cream smeared on his cheek. He wiped away the cream once again and then settled his gaze on Eren's--large green eyes blown wide. He was dragged into a hug and slowly, he allowed himself to hold Eren back. Squeezing Eren tighter, he sighed to himself, finally content where things were in his relationship with Eren. Words could wait til tomorrow but with all that happened, Levi could be sure that he could say Eren loved him, more than a friend this time.

Their breaths began to even out before Eren readjusted into a more comfortable seat in Levi's lap and drifted away quite quickly. Levi didn't even bother with trying to sleep, he combed through Eren's hair with his fingers and tried to be as still as he could for him.

When one yawn escaped Levi's mouth, he didn't fight the unknown feeling of a sleep coming on, he actually went along with it. Without moving too much to wake Eren, Levi grabbed both mugs of hot cocoa and placed them out of harms way before drifting off himself.

He had never been a deep sleeper as it was hard enough to fall asleep in the first place, but to stay asleep was another task entirely. He couldn’t quite tune out the small sounds or let himself be vulnerable for more than a few moments; sleep was actually pretty stressful. Somehow though, whenever he was with Eren, even if they were in separate beds, he could sleep so soundly. Everything faded away and it was like he was floating on a cloud. Maybe his body was just accustomed to the sound of Eren’s even breathing, like a metronome, or maybe like a song you memorize until you can play it without thinking at all. Yes, that was what it was like sleeping with Eren. So routine that he didn’t have to think about closing his eyes or laying still, it just happened.

Drifting away in a deep sleep immediately, he relaxed into the oncoming dreams. He didn’t dream of anything or anyone in particular. It was a peaceful sleep with no anxiety filled nightmares that made his heart speed and ended up with him waking in a sweat. So pleasant that the line separating reality from dream world seemed to disintegrate. It was warm, like Eren’s head in his lap, like the sunshine gleaming in through the window casting a sunspot inside the fort. He didn’t even have the thought to worry that it was only the afternoon and his sleep patterns would be off that evening (not that he had much of a pattern anyways).

Levi awoke sometime later from Eren waking up slowly, stretching his long limbs and cracking his kinks out. He gave a small smile to Eren and started detangling himself from the tan limbs strewn across him. Somehow throughout the sleep both of them ended up lying flat on the ground, Eren completely on top of Levi, heads nuzzled together. Levi tried to mask the way his heart skipped a beat at the way they were sleeping and made his way to a seat, rolling out his own kinks in his neck from sleeping on the ground.

He took a glance back at Eren and found him scratching at the back on his neck, a habit he started who knows when whenever he was embarrassed. Eren looked so beautiful, what was left of the sun streamed down on him like a spotlight which made his tan skin almost glisten. Levi wouldn’t admit but he could feel the way his cheeks started heating up. They had just practically confessed their love to each other before they fell asleep, it was only natural he guessed. 

Feeling the need to reassure Eren, he spoke. “Hey, Eren--”

“Levi,” Eren interrupted and turned to face Levi straight on. The air around them had changed and Levi couldn’t decipher why and Eren’s eyes didn’t make matters better with the way they were shaking with hesitation. “We’re--this whole thing,” he made weird gestures with his hands, “doesn’t change--I mean... we’re still friends, right?”

His heart dipped down and his stomach swirled with nauseousness. He was even surprised that he got his head to nod yes and his lips to crack a smile as he responded with “O-Of course, Eren. Best friends.”

Relief washed over Eren’s face and he sighed loudly. “Oh thank god. I thought I had lost you when I....”

Levi pulled him into a hug, burying his mop of long brown hair into his chest. “You couldn’t lose me even if you tried.” He mumbled to Eren, placing his head atop Eren’s. No matter how hard he tried, his stomach kept dipping down oddly, and the fake smile on his face faded away. It was getting too hard to keep up with Eren, to try and be by his side but to keep his distance. 

He should’ve said something earlier. Shouldn’t have waiting until later. Should have done something when he could. Should have actually told Eren what he felt despite thinking Eren had known and reciprocated them.

Eren was worried about Levi leaving him but he could only feel like Eren was slipping away from him, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He pulled away from Eren before he could do something stupid like pet the damn kid’s hair. He needed to start accepting this way of life, this relationship, before it got too late and he’d have to cut the brunet out of his life forever. The thought of that made him grimace but he shook it off best he could. It almost seemed inevitable at the rate he was going.

Looking out the window he saw the last of the sunset and made his way to stand, mumbling out, “Probably should go make some dinner.”

“I’ll help.” Eren’s response made Levi jump a bit, not expecting anyone to have heard him.

Levi gathered the mugs of hot cocoa and made his way towards the kitchen, the soft patter of Eren’s feet resonating behind him as he walked.

He occupied his thoughts with washing what little dishes there were and left Eren to choose what to have. It was so simple, nothing entirely special with what they were doing and yet Levi couldn’t get his heart to come down to a normal beat. He craved this sort of life with Eren, where he could be doing the most normal things but they would be together, as a couple, with Eren loving him back.

Dishes done, Levi turned around to see instant ramen in the makes--goddamn ramen of all things--but it was accompanied by a smiling brunet and suddenly the low quality crap food didn’t seem so un nutritional. 

Eren seemed to slurp intentionally knowing it had been a pet peeve of Levi’s practically since the day they knew each other. Levi shoved Eren with his elbow and with a loud thump, Eren made it to the floor. Finally he could eat in peace, only the shuffles from Eren clouded the silence. But just as quickly as silence came, he was pulled away from his food by a pair of strong hands picking him up under his shoulders and held him in the air. Fuck Eren being taller, his feet were just dangling in the air.

“Eren, fuck, put me down.” Okay, not the smartest thing to say right now.”

“Okay.” The brunet’s smirk was clear as day without needing to see it. He was dropped down with little grace onto the ground. Thankfully he had enough mind to actually land on his feet instead of just crumble to the ground, his mind starting to drift elsewhere.

Levi didn’t bother making eye contact for the rest of his meal, the small laughs being emitted told him that Eren was more than proud of himself.

“Feeling better I’m assuming?”

“Mm-yeah. Just got the annoying remains of it though.”

He scooted away from the table and grabbed his bowl. “Guess my job here his done then.”

Eren quickly stood up with Levi and picked up his own dishes. “A-Ah, right. Sorry you had to spend your day like this.”

Levi turned to grab Eren’s bowl out of his head and looked up at him. “I came over here on my own accord, don’t worry about it. I wanted to do this.” He tore his gaze away as soon as he could and went back to washing. Drawing out each dish’s wash so he wouldn’t have to leave so soon.

He felt Eren’s gaze on him the entire time he washed until he dried the last bit of water off the dishes. Deeming the deed done, Levi made his way to the front door and before he could get his coat on, he heard Eren call.

“W-Wait, Levi.”

“Yes?” He didn’t want to make this process draw out longer than was necessary. Didn’t want it to make him do something stupid again.

“Merry Christmas Eve, Levi.” He said it with such happiness but none of it showed in his eyes. Levi watched as Eren’s eyes drooped down to watch his own toes.

“Eren,”

He got a hum in response.

“Before I go, could I-uh, try something with you, again?” He was definitely digging himself a ditch. A big, fucking fat one at that. But, he had to try one last time. God he was being so stupid.

Eren raised his head from gazing at his toes, still bare and causing vital heat to escape. Didn’t that kid know how to take care of himself? Levi had to stop himself from actually laughing, Eren was kind of hopeless without him being there to help out.

Tan hands made their way inside the pockets the sweatpants before Eren talked, “Try what exactly?” A certain glint shown in his eyes and Levi didn’t want to jump to any conclusions but maybe, just maybe… Levi stepped closer inch by inch until their toes were almost touching. He felt warm hands gently touch his arms as he began closing his eyes.

He wanted nothing more than to taste those soft, red lips, to taste Eren again. He tilted his head a little and he was so close that any further and they would be kissing again but--

He couldn’t do it. He moved to the right slightly and gave Eren a soft peck on his cheek, biting the inside of his cheek when his lips left the tan skin.

Levi leaned back letting his lips graze the side of Eren’s face before he hovered just centimeters away from Eren’s lips. He heard Eren inhale and he closed his eyes, anticipating what the brunet had to say.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” Hot air breezed across Levi’s lips with each word. “You already--”

“It’s not something best friends would do, right?” He spat out the words, hating each one that followed out of his mouth. Completely mortified with what he had just done but slowly not caring as much. He wanted Eren as his own and the title of Best Friend was in his fucking way.

He felt Eren softly pull back, seemed like he was put off by what he had said. Their eyes met and Levi put up his best blank expression while Eren’s resembled slightly hurt but he could see the gears turning in his head.

“I didn’t know you hated being my friend that much.” The warm palms on his arms started to slide down and off him. Eren looked like he was a wilting flower, slowly becoming limp and a grey gloom clouding his eyes.

“Eren--” He grabbed on to one of the limp hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “That’s not it, at all. I, I just-”

“What Levi? If that’s not it then what the hell is it.” His voice was barely a whisper, had not Levi been standing so close it would have been said and gone without anyone knowing. He felt the tug of Eren’s hand trying to slip away but he held firm.

“I...I,” He couldn’t say it. “Eren, for awhile I--” Just say it. “I--fuck.” Why couldn’t he say it. Of all times to be choked up, why now?

Oh. He was scared. Terrified of messing up what little was becoming of their friendship. But Eren was disappearing right in front of his eyes and all be damned if he wasn’t going to do something about it. Right, he was better with actions. He could always rely on doing something rather than talking about it.

So he did just that.

He rose on his tip toes and balanced himself with his opposite arm on Eren’s shoulder. Murmured a “sorry, Eren.” before he placed his lips on Eren’s. It was almost comical how much he was squeezing his eyes shut, bearing all his nervousness there so he could at least kiss halfway decently. Starting out ever so softly, giving Eren time to push him off, he grew stronger and rougher with each second. It was only Levi kissing, he wasn’t even sure the brunet closed his eyes.

Levi couldn’t say it wasn’t awkward, their slightly cold noses bumping and pressing into one another’s. Still there wasn’t any movement from Eren after he was practically pouring his heart into this kiss. Couldn’t Eren feel it? Wouldn’t he want to at least push him off so Levi wouldn’t have to keep digging a grave for himself?

He felt so stupid just kissing like this. Plain and simply stupid. He leaned his head away and looked up at Eren, guess he closed his eyes after all. Letting his hand slide from Eren’s broad shoulder, down his chest- It was beating so fast, practically reciprocating his own heartbeat.

There was nothing left to lose now so Levi leaned to Eren’s ear and whispered, “I can’t be your best friend anymore,” he could feel the brunet twitch slightly, “because, I love you. And you know I’m fucking awful with words, but I don’t think I can continue to be a good friend unless--fuck, Eren, I’m sorry, but I’ve been in love with you for so long that I don’t think I can ever stop unless I… leave.” By now he was squeezing the limp hand of Eren’s and crumbling his shirt with the other. He knew Eren could feel him shaking.

Shifted away and let go of Eren’s hand, slowly releasing the shirt in front of him. Using the last of his will, Levi reached up to peck those lips for probably the last time, savoring the taste of them, the softness, the warmth, the sweet taste, how he felt they fit perfectly with his.

He moved to pull away but Eren started trailing his hands around Levi, one hand to his lower back, the other to cup the back of his head, keeping him on his lips. Wait, what--what was going on?

His chest was pulled flush with Eren’s and as if in reflex he wrapped his arms around the tall body in front of him, desperate for anything Eren was willing to give him. Whether this was the last time he’d ever kiss him or something entirely else, he wasn’t letting up his grip on Eren. Squeezing tighter and constantly grasping at the shirt or whatever body part he could find. When one of his hands found Eren’s hair he immediately started roughly coursing through it. He always loved how soft Eren’s hair was and god it was just one of the many things he’d miss of Eren.

A warm tongue traced his lips and he quickly parted his lips, yearning for more. He eagerly met Eren’s tongue with his and couldn’t help his heart from aching, having always longed to do something more than just hug or give casual touches.And he didn’t want to jinx it but he swore he could feel that Eren wasn’t doing this out of pity, that maybe he was actually kissing him for himself.

Eren kept squeezing him tighter and tighter and pressed into him with so much want that Levi was almost forced to press back with just as much vigor, erasing what little space there was between them and urging the kiss to become deeper and deeper.

Their nosed smushed awkwardly in between them, Eren’s cold and his hot. But besides that fact, Levi couldn’t help but feel they were moving in sync. Tongues moving against one another’s so perfectly, their, though erratic, breathing shared the same pace, it seemed like the most normal thing in the world to be kissing Eren. And Levi lost all his cares in the world. Not even the loud smack of their lips or the fact that Eren could still be incubating a virus inside him could stop him from living in that moment.

He was only pulled from his trance when Eren leaned back to give him a soft, chaste kiss.

“Then don’t leave.”

“Wha--” What was Eren talking about?

“Levi, I’m such an idiot.”

“‘n why would you say that?”

“Because I acted like that kiss meant nothing to me earlier when it was something i’ve wanted to have happen for so long. Because only I could fuck up the one chance I had and I almost fucked up this one too.”

“Eren-”

“I love you.” Hot tears rolled down Eren’s cheeks as he talked. “I’ve wanted to say that for way too long and I just didn’t want to ruin what ever we had just because I couldn’t keep my feelings in check.” He was barely audible at the end, so soft, so sweet. Levi brought his hands up to Eren’s face and guided it down so their foreheads touched. He rubbed circles on the brunet’s cheeks and let their eyes meet.

“I love you too, Eren.”

That was the last thing said for some time because before either one really knew, they were kissing again. Arms were wrapped tight around each other and whenever their mouths were at least slightly free ‘I love you’s were said countless times.

Levi ended up with his legs wrapped around Eren’s waist with strong hands on his ass to keep him there just because Eren knew Levi liked being taller. They kissed until Eren had to let Levi down and standing up just didn’t seem realistic anymore so they managed to get into a tangled mess on the floor. They kissed until no more words could be said, until short breaths were the only sound and their chests heaving were the only movements. Neither closed their eyes enough to be called shut, too engulfed in each other’s gazes to let go.

And they were so happy. They felt so invincible to the world to have a care in it. Without needing to say, this was the best early Christmas present Eren and Levi could have ever hoped for.


End file.
